I faced a sensory overload the first time I saw you. Before I did actually see you, I had dreamt up fantastic visions of several versions of bliss and anticipation was the reigning feeling here.
What I appeared to you like, I shall never know... but then again, new people are nothing new to you really. I guess I did somewhat feel we would get along quite well... that you would treat me with kindness if not actually welcome me...
Looking back, it hasn't been that long really. And yet, it feels like forever. In a good way. You did make me feel comfortable, welcome and have been kind to me... I have loved every minute that we have had together. With you, I think I have finally found my bearings and my feet have found ground, my dreams have taken wings to approachable skies, I seem to have found that inner scrap I was trying to locate frantically... with you, I have found definition.
You've seen at my best, and my worst... you've given me the gift of widening horizons and of wonderful friends I would not have found if not for you. Of sparkling nights, snowy mornings, summer evenings that last long and appreciation from quarters I never knew existed have I been blessed. We did have our sad moments too... but far be it from me to blame those on you.
Our association has been the high point of my life and I shall forever remember it as such.
I must part from you now though. I have loved you and you have made me feel loved in return... but you cannot claim me as yours; you never will. I belong to another and that is how it shall always be. I must leave you to return to the one who claims me but I shall be back. I have a presentiment that this hiatus shall be the end of things as we have known and much shall have changed when I am back. I'm hoping that whatever happens, we'll take it in our stride and make something beautiful of it... because that is what we do. I shall miss you though.
London, you have been amazing.
Here's to you... here's to us.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Eh?
I just might have received a compliment today.
We were working on a volume of facsimile texts which have basically been scanned/copied from old crumbling books, cleaned up and presented nicely as a new volume compliation and it's tedious work, getting rid of annoying pixel size dots while trying your best to not erase the dots off 'i's, the dashes off 't's and such.
I had successfully managed to pencil in a bit of missing text or two without making it look very obvious when my colleague W commented: "Well at least you know that if publishing doesn't work out for you, you can always become an art forger."
Brits! :)
W, thanks a ton... it's been great working with you... wish we could have gotten to know each other better though. And here's wishing you loads of luck with your new job and life forever on! I do hope we stay in touch :)
We were working on a volume of facsimile texts which have basically been scanned/copied from old crumbling books, cleaned up and presented nicely as a new volume compliation and it's tedious work, getting rid of annoying pixel size dots while trying your best to not erase the dots off 'i's, the dashes off 't's and such.
I had successfully managed to pencil in a bit of missing text or two without making it look very obvious when my colleague W commented: "Well at least you know that if publishing doesn't work out for you, you can always become an art forger."
Brits! :)
W, thanks a ton... it's been great working with you... wish we could have gotten to know each other better though. And here's wishing you loads of luck with your new job and life forever on! I do hope we stay in touch :)
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
The Reason
I think I know why God made me a human being.
Had I been any other creature I'd have given in to laziness and preferred to stay home snug rather than brave the cold and go out to hunt for food. And then I'd die of starvation.
Had I been any other creature I'd have given in to laziness and preferred to stay home snug rather than brave the cold and go out to hunt for food. And then I'd die of starvation.
Monday, March 03, 2008
The Things That Make Me Smile
I used to wonder what love is
And never quite found an answer that fit
Carried on searching, things were always amiss
Philosophy and platitudes weren't enough to render
All world seemed to have been remiss
While feeling and fact seemed torn asunder
But now I know
It's the warmth of your embrace
On a cold, windy night
It's the spot on your shoulder that seems just right,
The glee on your face when you're surprised
Your petulance when you're annoyed
It's the longing in your eyes
When we've been apart for a while
It's these little things that make me smile
It can't be that love's blind
For how would I see you?
And opposites cannot attract
If it has to be a meeting of minds too
Certainly not happiness and mush because
Without pain and sadness they aren't worth much
But now I know
It's the warmth of your embrace
On a cold, windy night
It's the spot on your shoulder that seems just right,
The glee on your face when you're surprised
Your petulance when you're annoyed
It's the longing in your eyes
When we've been apart for a while
It's these little things that make me smile
We quarrel and we make up
And though the hurt sometimes stays
It's the hope that makes you wake up
Wishing the eternity of these days
It's appreciating the other for every little thing
Wanting to stick together minus or pluz the zing
Thinking of all that while my heart floods like the Nile
It's these little things that make me smile
I knew not what love was
But now I know
It's the warmth of your embrace
On a cold, windy night
It's the spot on your shoulder that seems just right,
The glee on your face when you're surprised
Your petulance when you're annoyed
It's the longing in your eyes
When we've been apart for a while
It's these little things that make me smile
And never quite found an answer that fit
Carried on searching, things were always amiss
Philosophy and platitudes weren't enough to render
All world seemed to have been remiss
While feeling and fact seemed torn asunder
But now I know
It's the warmth of your embrace
On a cold, windy night
It's the spot on your shoulder that seems just right,
The glee on your face when you're surprised
Your petulance when you're annoyed
It's the longing in your eyes
When we've been apart for a while
It's these little things that make me smile
It can't be that love's blind
For how would I see you?
And opposites cannot attract
If it has to be a meeting of minds too
Certainly not happiness and mush because
Without pain and sadness they aren't worth much
But now I know
It's the warmth of your embrace
On a cold, windy night
It's the spot on your shoulder that seems just right,
The glee on your face when you're surprised
Your petulance when you're annoyed
It's the longing in your eyes
When we've been apart for a while
It's these little things that make me smile
We quarrel and we make up
And though the hurt sometimes stays
It's the hope that makes you wake up
Wishing the eternity of these days
It's appreciating the other for every little thing
Wanting to stick together minus or pluz the zing
Thinking of all that while my heart floods like the Nile
It's these little things that make me smile
I knew not what love was
But now I know
It's the warmth of your embrace
On a cold, windy night
It's the spot on your shoulder that seems just right,
The glee on your face when you're surprised
Your petulance when you're annoyed
It's the longing in your eyes
When we've been apart for a while
It's these little things that make me smile
By The Twenty-Threes
Dedicated to LB
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Missives
To the lady distributing leaflets outside the station.
If that disdainful look and implicit refusal to hand me one were due to the colour of my skin, then shame on you. You looked older than I and you really should know better... impudence, rudeness, that's what you 'natives' term it, don't you??? I hope your precious kids fall madly and passionately in love with dark skinned people, marry them and you're forced to see your extended family at close quarters a whole lot.
To the lady at the book sale.
Granted it was for charity. Granted you wanted to bring in as much funds as possible and do your bit for a good cause. But was asking me rather testily 'Only one book?' really warranted?
To the gentleman who thanked me twice when I had lunch at his cafe.
You made my lunch hour pure joy! And that wrap you prepared for me was absolutely scrumptious :)
To all those people who distribute free newspapers in the city.
I hope my smiling and saying 'No, thank you' somewhat makes up for your being ignored by the million other people.
To the rather cute guy on the bus, one day.
You flattered me big time when you looked at me and looked like you'd spotted something pleasing :)
To the lady at the other cafe I lunch at.
Your omelette and fries rock! And you look simply beautiful! In fact I love the whole family there :)
To the gentleman who has the coffee shop at the station.
You familiar way of addressing all your regulars never fails to make me smile :)
To the lady at the ticket counter.
I really admire your patience. Thank you!
To the petite lady who is on the train with me sometimes.
You look so cute!
To the tall, gorgeous, poised woman on the train.
You're stunning!
To the handsome lad who takes the 7:22 with me everyday.
You're the highlight of my day!
If that disdainful look and implicit refusal to hand me one were due to the colour of my skin, then shame on you. You looked older than I and you really should know better... impudence, rudeness, that's what you 'natives' term it, don't you??? I hope your precious kids fall madly and passionately in love with dark skinned people, marry them and you're forced to see your extended family at close quarters a whole lot.
To the lady at the book sale.
Granted it was for charity. Granted you wanted to bring in as much funds as possible and do your bit for a good cause. But was asking me rather testily 'Only one book?' really warranted?
To the gentleman who thanked me twice when I had lunch at his cafe.
You made my lunch hour pure joy! And that wrap you prepared for me was absolutely scrumptious :)
To all those people who distribute free newspapers in the city.
I hope my smiling and saying 'No, thank you' somewhat makes up for your being ignored by the million other people.
To the rather cute guy on the bus, one day.
You flattered me big time when you looked at me and looked like you'd spotted something pleasing :)
To the lady at the other cafe I lunch at.
Your omelette and fries rock! And you look simply beautiful! In fact I love the whole family there :)
To the gentleman who has the coffee shop at the station.
You familiar way of addressing all your regulars never fails to make me smile :)
To the lady at the ticket counter.
I really admire your patience. Thank you!
To the petite lady who is on the train with me sometimes.
You look so cute!
To the tall, gorgeous, poised woman on the train.
You're stunning!
To the handsome lad who takes the 7:22 with me everyday.
You're the highlight of my day!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
It Takes Several Colours to Make the Water Blue
My grouchy mood continues... but between the two Leos I know... I should be alright soon. One persists in asking 'Are you ok??? If you're so grumpy for so long then it means there are issues you have and you need to think and sort them' and the other tells me to
'be calm
and feel happy
unless you are happy
you cant keep others happy'
I can't possibly screw up too much when am being watched and kept from falling like this. Anyhoo, onto other things... there has been much in the last week that has deviated from the groucho show.
I had my blonde moments when firstly I ate paper... it was the dark brown casing on the chocolates that a colleague brought back from his trip... it looked So like one of those dark chocolate covered thingies... I could hardly have known it was friggin PAPER!!!
And THEN I went and had another blonde moment... cursing Indesign for not typing in caps when told to... only to have the boss ask if my caps lock was on... and then discovering it was. He had a good laugh at me... but given his own incidence of stubbing his fingers while trying to close the cap on his pen, we've settled score :P
Then there was google. On its best days, Google is God. This wasn't a good day for it though. I was searching for the city's largest PO and google cleverly returned a search asking me if I was searching for the city's largest POO. I didn't bother envisaging that... but I'm thinking now that perhaps I should have clicked and seen that set of results.
I also had a moment of weird imagination. I was reading about the new French president and his very public affair with a lady of radically opposite political views and in commenting on something the article said, I ended up having the boss explain political ideologies to me. Informative and something I'd wanted to know for long... but here's what it led to. The boss was saying how being Leftist and Rightist arose from some weird conception of the political landscape stretching out on a straight line from left to right, with Communism on the left and Monarchy on the right. And then he said that these days it was common for politicians to sit somewhere in the middle purely to win votes.
And I suddenly had this vision of those sitting in the middle swelling in numbers and thus weighing down the line till they brought it crashing down with the left and right sides hitting the roof hence uniting the two radical sides... we'd still have a stright line then... but a damn interesting mix of ideas I'd say... maybe it would finally mean the world had a measure of peace.
Lastly, visiting D over the weekend proved to be a very good thing. It was the one time in the whole week that I wasn't sour. Movies, conversation and good food were good reason. And then of course there was D's intuition like friends are wont to have... My exclamation on seeing an actor I happen to be hopelessly partial to produced a 'I was waiting for that reaction' reaction from D. Ah I just LOVE the way she does that :D
But the highlight of this entire week was something that didn't even happen to me. D's partner has had to go back home since there was a death in the family. And happening to call him, she was talking to his family. Her partner's father came on the phone and what he said shall always remain with me. He said 'Thank you for sending him over'
In a society where women are frequently treated as the property of the family they marry into, where they most often don't receive the smallest acknowledgement of their efforts let alone appreciation, where leaving behind everything you've ever known and having to quickly adjust and adopt to a new life are the norm, where things are merely expected of you without any hope of thanks, this is the biggest gesture of goodness that I can conceive. It's amazing really... that out of all of them there, only one person could think of what D must be going through, not having her partner with her at a time when she really needs him around and thanking her for doing what would be considered her bounden duty. It's amazing that there are people who can imagine their sons as belonging to their partners and having lives that demand other things of them instead of centering around just the boy's family.
As D marvelled 'He was half asleep!!! And that was the first thing he said to me!!! No one else thought anything of it but he actually thanked me!!'
I don't have words enough to wish well for that gentleman... may they never ever go extinct!
'be calm
and feel happy
unless you are happy
you cant keep others happy'
I can't possibly screw up too much when am being watched and kept from falling like this. Anyhoo, onto other things... there has been much in the last week that has deviated from the groucho show.
I had my blonde moments when firstly I ate paper... it was the dark brown casing on the chocolates that a colleague brought back from his trip... it looked So like one of those dark chocolate covered thingies... I could hardly have known it was friggin PAPER!!!
And THEN I went and had another blonde moment... cursing Indesign for not typing in caps when told to... only to have the boss ask if my caps lock was on... and then discovering it was. He had a good laugh at me... but given his own incidence of stubbing his fingers while trying to close the cap on his pen, we've settled score :P
Then there was google. On its best days, Google is God. This wasn't a good day for it though. I was searching for the city's largest PO and google cleverly returned a search asking me if I was searching for the city's largest POO. I didn't bother envisaging that... but I'm thinking now that perhaps I should have clicked and seen that set of results.
I also had a moment of weird imagination. I was reading about the new French president and his very public affair with a lady of radically opposite political views and in commenting on something the article said, I ended up having the boss explain political ideologies to me. Informative and something I'd wanted to know for long... but here's what it led to. The boss was saying how being Leftist and Rightist arose from some weird conception of the political landscape stretching out on a straight line from left to right, with Communism on the left and Monarchy on the right. And then he said that these days it was common for politicians to sit somewhere in the middle purely to win votes.
And I suddenly had this vision of those sitting in the middle swelling in numbers and thus weighing down the line till they brought it crashing down with the left and right sides hitting the roof hence uniting the two radical sides... we'd still have a stright line then... but a damn interesting mix of ideas I'd say... maybe it would finally mean the world had a measure of peace.
Lastly, visiting D over the weekend proved to be a very good thing. It was the one time in the whole week that I wasn't sour. Movies, conversation and good food were good reason. And then of course there was D's intuition like friends are wont to have... My exclamation on seeing an actor I happen to be hopelessly partial to produced a 'I was waiting for that reaction' reaction from D. Ah I just LOVE the way she does that :D
But the highlight of this entire week was something that didn't even happen to me. D's partner has had to go back home since there was a death in the family. And happening to call him, she was talking to his family. Her partner's father came on the phone and what he said shall always remain with me. He said 'Thank you for sending him over'
In a society where women are frequently treated as the property of the family they marry into, where they most often don't receive the smallest acknowledgement of their efforts let alone appreciation, where leaving behind everything you've ever known and having to quickly adjust and adopt to a new life are the norm, where things are merely expected of you without any hope of thanks, this is the biggest gesture of goodness that I can conceive. It's amazing really... that out of all of them there, only one person could think of what D must be going through, not having her partner with her at a time when she really needs him around and thanking her for doing what would be considered her bounden duty. It's amazing that there are people who can imagine their sons as belonging to their partners and having lives that demand other things of them instead of centering around just the boy's family.
As D marvelled 'He was half asleep!!! And that was the first thing he said to me!!! No one else thought anything of it but he actually thanked me!!'
I don't have words enough to wish well for that gentleman... may they never ever go extinct!
Friday, January 18, 2008
The Way To A Man's Heart...
Sam and I were talking about relationships and the strings that come attached to them... such as behaving well with those who are dear to your partner. As always, Sam managed to combine hilarity and sense with her odd moment of misplaced wisdom.
Me: You know what they say...'If they love them you gotta love them too'
Sam: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Me: You know what they say...'If they love them you gotta love them too'
Sam: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Now Available Encased in Bubble-wrap
I've come to the conclusion that I like to compartmentalise my life. It isn't so obvious now because I guess it's become an ingrained habit, but the fact is that I do go to lengths to keep the various people I know separate. I do not talk of my personal life at work. I refrain from mentioning family matters and anecdotes in front of friends. I have never ever tried to match-make or fix up any of my friends. I have never consciously made an effort to get one set of friends meet another set... although I might occasionally speak of one to another and thus spark some rare instance of one of them taking the initiative to chat up another (all thanks to social networking on the web... hmpfh!) In fact, recently, I have been thinking a whole lot that I ought not to have freely invited (ok coerced, pleaded, forced) people to read this blog given that I now feel like writing stuff I do not really want them to read... it's about anonymity now... whereas earlier it was about being praised for writing well...
:) Of course, one or two of them will certainly get in touch when they see this and grant me that sense of well-being that always accompanies their missives... but for the most part... maybe...
My penchant for compartmentalising has been highlighted in the light of recent events. Somewhere it even feels okay to do that...
I've managed to have arguments with a whole lot of my friends... not by actually doing anything... it's just happened. With those whom I have not somehow created a rift, I actually feel distanced... I haven't felt the pressing urge to shoot 3000 word emails to update them as I likely do every other week... Life's boiled down to going to work and coming home... a tiny bubble that seems self-sufficient and yet it's like outside looking in all the time... as if my bubble was blowing across the landscape of other people's lives and interactions, merely witnessing but not being able to participate or touch anything that can be seen. I seem to be so content in my bubble that the thought of having to do anything that is apart from it seems to be a really really bothersome task... I find I'm irritable at really small things.
The trouble is this is a phase that comes and goes regularly.
I used to think that am the sort who likes leaving footprints just so she may be assured that her presence was marked somehow... and yet, I am so secretive that I might as well die tomorrow and leave people wondering about trivial things people seem to know so well apropos each other. I have not read a new book in ages... or enjoyed any of the ones I did re-read. My writing's taken a gigantic leap downwards and I am still happy in my bubble.
I'm not saying I want my bubble burst. I shall emerge by and by.
:) Of course, one or two of them will certainly get in touch when they see this and grant me that sense of well-being that always accompanies their missives... but for the most part... maybe...
My penchant for compartmentalising has been highlighted in the light of recent events. Somewhere it even feels okay to do that...
I've managed to have arguments with a whole lot of my friends... not by actually doing anything... it's just happened. With those whom I have not somehow created a rift, I actually feel distanced... I haven't felt the pressing urge to shoot 3000 word emails to update them as I likely do every other week... Life's boiled down to going to work and coming home... a tiny bubble that seems self-sufficient and yet it's like outside looking in all the time... as if my bubble was blowing across the landscape of other people's lives and interactions, merely witnessing but not being able to participate or touch anything that can be seen. I seem to be so content in my bubble that the thought of having to do anything that is apart from it seems to be a really really bothersome task... I find I'm irritable at really small things.
The trouble is this is a phase that comes and goes regularly.
I used to think that am the sort who likes leaving footprints just so she may be assured that her presence was marked somehow... and yet, I am so secretive that I might as well die tomorrow and leave people wondering about trivial things people seem to know so well apropos each other. I have not read a new book in ages... or enjoyed any of the ones I did re-read. My writing's taken a gigantic leap downwards and I am still happy in my bubble.
I'm not saying I want my bubble burst. I shall emerge by and by.
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