Against All Odds

Heart-wrenching sobs. They’d stop for about five seconds and then start afresh, more intense than before. It had been like this for a few days now. Even by her standards this was quite bad. And all for someone who had so not been worth it. Hell, she’d seen them all and this one had been the worst of the lot, no kidding. Lord knows how she fell or him or any of the others. All those sweet nothings and hours of meaningless promises perhaps. You’d think she’d have learned to err on the side of caution by now, but no. She continued down the same path, up again after another fall, oblivious to past mistakes and learning, forgetting what had transpired. You could almost have admired her ability to pick herself up, dust herself off and carry on, but honestly, after a time, it started to appear stupid.

Sila. Surely it was some sort of a sick joke. It was a name that seemed designed to invite trouble. Oh it also attracted men by the droves. But maybe it was fate that only the defective of that lot seemed to win the lottery that was Sila. Till they wasted it, of course. Sila of the virtues that the most exacting of people would be pleased with. Sila.

Dark eyes watched Sila. Eyes that flashed with anger. When they were not looking stormy with trying to accommodate the million emotions they felt on seeing her bunched like this, crying fit to die of sadness. Eyes that held a lot of love for her and some other emotion which seemed to be locked away, an emotion that you could spot if you looked out of the corner of your eye but was out of reach when you tried to focus. One that would always only be a sort of frission, never a concrete tangible thing. At least to the world, because the possessor of those eyes knew exactly what it was.

Tidying up the table of stray books, she gave vent to a sigh that had been lurking within for a while. And allowed her thoughts to run because reining them anymore threatened her stability.

How had she landed in this mess? It was difficult enough for most people in her situation but she’d gone several steps ahead and gotten enmeshed in a snafu that took the cake. Not that one could really ever have a say in these things. It had been hard enough realizing she was lesbian. Coming out to the people who mattered had been another hurdle altogether. But that had been dealt with and she’d received unconditional support from those who mattered, Sila included. Which had been wonderful. Until of course, things changed.

Love is hard at the best of times. But try being lesbian and then try being in love with your best friend. Who is most definitely NOT a lesbian. If that isn’t enough, try simply having to stand-by while said best friend goes about fantastically fucking up her life by going out with all the wrong men and having her heart broken more or less incessantly (Men weren’t all bad, strange perhaps but there were a decent few around. But WHY did she have to end up seeing all the pond-scum samples?!!). Try having to do nothing but offer a shoulder and a hanky and cups of hot chocolate and staying up nights while she weeps down the phone. And try having to sit through the worst kind of romantic comedies. And when that is over, try having to live trough another round of blush-giggle-gush-he’s so awesome!-I’m in love!-yada-yada until (sigh) the cycle turns around and it’s back to the weeping heartbreak. Rinse and repeat. And all this while, try having to work really really really hard at having to keep that overpowering rush of love you feel for her under check. Try having to live in so checked a manner that even when senseless drunk, that one part of you stays locked up in a straitjacket with duct tape over your mouth.

There wasn’t a guarantee that she and Sila would have never quarreled and lived a happy life forever. It wasn’t that she thought Sila had a better chance with her than any man. It was just that she loved Sila. Truly, madly, deeply, overwhelmingly … inexplicably.

Sila. She was bound to have the world fall in love with her. And her best friend just happened to be a part of it.