(Many Happy) Returns

You know how salutary lessons leave you with a stinging feeling... like when you get slapped right across your face and it pains like hell... it hurts like hell doesn't it??? I just received a salutary lesson that I'm not going to forget for a long long time. No I wasn't beaten :P

And you know what else??? I'm actually feeling really good about this rap I received. It was just the wake up call I required. And I was lucky enough to be given it on the very day that is supposed to be the advent of something new, the day when supposedly turning over a new leaf if somehow more special, meaningful and likely to stick. My birthday.

First of all, as is my custom, here's a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig thank you and huge hug along with a round of applause for My Dearest Entity That Resides Above!!! Gotta hand it to you pal, you have a sense of humour :)

Right, this somehow changes things dramatically for the me who was whining about being a pathetic unsatisfactory grown-up in the last post. I was whining away thinking it's unfair that Life does not have a cash back facility for unsatisfactory products... because then I could trade in my unsatisfactory adult self for time dating back to my childhood when I was much better and start all over to basically end up with a new adult me who was somehow a better person...at least in the same vein as the kid me if not for better than that. But that, of course, is impossible.

But hey!! Turns out, Life does actually come with an offer.

That of an upgrade ;)

And so, it transpires that whiny me learns about the upgrade and is actually eligible for it :D

You know how they say sometimes you're looking all around for something only to realise after much time and effort (all the while feeling slightly stupid and foolish) that said thing is actually right under your nose?? THAT was my salutary lesson.

That I was being a complete idiot to rebel so against something wonderful that was being offered to me wholly. That I really was a nincompoop to not open my heart fully to the wonders that were up for grabs and thus being able to redeem SOME goodness instead of frowning and fretting and worrying about things I thought I wanted but was not able to have.

So maybe I haven't actually worked out the equation... but isn't that what a lifetime is for?? And maybe I won't stop making mistakes here... but I shall definitely amend this one.

I feel remorseful about what I have been doing... but mostly, I'm hopeful, I have faith... and I feel immense love. It's coming back... minutely perhaps... but it is. I can FEEL :)

Dear God,

I thought I was a goner
Perceiving what seemed like only trouble
But Faith, Hope and Love are here again,
I feel the goodness come...
Make mine a double

Loads and loads and loads of love and gratitude,
Anu