Missives II

To the world and my circle of acquaintances at large, on FB.
 T. M. I. Really.

To the scumbag-dick ex of a friend.
 You slut! That's right, slut. You don't get to be called 'player' just because you're a guy. Slut. I'd have loved to tell you to your face that you weren't right for my friend at all, not worthy of her one bit, boring and stuck up as you were. And I would have too, if I weren't keeping mum for her sake. You evidently don't deserve such niceties ... so watch your step. I'm hoping I run into you, and when I do, I'm going to kick you in the nuts and announce to the world that you're a walking std. Whether that's true or not ... although given your proclivities ... the chances are ... I'll leave you to puzzle your tiny brain over that. Oh and I hope you end up marrying someone who's going to cuckold you and humiliate you but never ever give you a way out. I hope you die cold and lonely and miserable. I wish you eternal misery forever after. And if you're 'skills' extend to being able to read, look up 'just desserts.' Because that's what you've got coming to you ... and in all probability, the waitress would have spit in it. Not just because you tried to hit on her while she went about her work but because she saw your behaviour way before you got started with her. Karma ... she's a right bitch and get used to that because you're going to end up as her bitch.

To the salespeople I seem to keep running into.
 If you're going to turn up your nose at me because I want something replaced rather than buying something new, you're going to add a big fat zero the the till. And if I say 'I'll think it over', that isn't your cue to sass me. YOU are the one who needs to meet a target, think your attitude over.

To the guy manning the till.
 The correct response to my "I don't need a bag, thank you" is NOT "The bag's free, yeah?". Some of us try to do our bit for the environment.

To shoemakers the world over.
 You think 'heels' mean something resembling a goddam tower at the end of my feet? Have you ANY idea how hard it is to walk around in those? Do you actually test your products on normal, real women? The ones who have jobs and families and have to walk in these things? This is a conspiracy, I'm onto you. It's just another way or controlling womankind. In parlance you'd actually understand, "Walk in someone's shoes ...". Although in this case they'd be your own.

To Lindt.
 You're doing something very wrong. How is it that I can NEVER find my favourite chocolate in stock?

To me.
 Your twenties are slipping past, time to play catch-up and do all the wild things you'll never regret.

Book Babble

Taking this up from Chinkurli:

1. Favorite childhood book? And I'm stuck already. Do I choose from Enid Blyton, Anne of Green Gables or Little Women? Decisions decisions ...
2. What are you reading right now? Have Spacesuit Will Travel by Robert A. Henlein. Also, To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis
3. Bad book habit? Being determined to finish a book even if it's absolutely terrible. Although I suppose not being willing to lend books could also count as bad book habit.
4. Do you have an e-reader? Nope. Shall probably wait and watch to see how the technology develops before I buy one.
5. Do you prefer to read one book at a time or several at once? Usually one book at a time.
6. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? Nup. My reading habit has gotten a little relaxed over the years though.
7. Least favorite book you read this year (so far)? William Walker's First Year of Marriage. 
8. Favorite book you’ve read this year? Tough one. I think I shall pick Tom Holt, but it's a toss between Blonde Bombshell and Snow White and the Seven Samurai. 
9. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? Have I a comfort zone?
10. What is your reading comfort zone? Dunno!
11. Can you read on the bus? Sure ... helps that the bus drivers here are rather steady drivers so reading isn't the bumpy ride it could be.
12. Favorite place to read? I don't know if I have one ... but I'd love to have a reading chair ... a comfortably cushioned rocking chair or one of these. 
13. What is your policy on book lending? Hee hee, I don't lend. I did give away a book or two this year though, and they were Tom Holt's. 
14. Do you ever dog-ear books? Certainly not! My books are in pristine condition, unless I've bought dog-eared copies.
15. Do you ever write in the margins of your books? Heck, no!.
16. Not even with text books? What, like a decade ago? I might have done so in school but I stopped that a very long time ago.
17. What is your favorite language to read in? Angrezi? I read Kannada but really slowly ... would be nice to read in another language, a few more in fact. I wish I could read all the books in the world that were ever written.
18. What makes you love a book? I don't know, I just do.
19. What will inspire you to recommend a book? Someone's reading habits perhaps and preferences.  
20. Favorite genre? Alternate-reality, sci-fi, Regency era related, Young Adult fiction . I cannot pick a favourite.
21. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?) .
22. Favorite biography? Haven't really read one ... although I will pick Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman as my favourite autobiography.
23. Have you ever read a self-help book? Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers. Should probably read it again. Also The Ultimate Gift.
24. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)? I don't think I did ...
25. Favorite reading snack? :D Biscuits, farsaan, toast, chips ... any snacky stuff
26. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience. The Da Vinci Code.
27. How often do you agree with critics about a book? I don't keep with with reviews really ... or rely on them. Very occasionally though, Amazon's readers' reviews are really helpful.
28. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews? Well, if it sucks, it sucks. 
29. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose? Japanese. And Urdu perhaps.
30. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? The Tale of Genji and Satanic Verses.
31. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin? Atlas Shrugged.
32. Favorite Poet? I don't read much poetry but I loved Kiplings' If and Shakespeare's Seven Ages.
33. Favorite fictional character? Stuck again. Jack and Aliena from The Pillars of the Earth; Scout, Jem, Atticus, Boo, Miss Maudie Atkinson from To Kill a Mockingbird; Anne, Mathew, Mrs. Lynde and Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables; Leslie and Ms Edmunds from Bridge to Terabithia; Judy from Daddy-Long-Legs; Thursday's father from the Thursday Next series; Freddie and Kitty from Cotillion; Phoebe Marlow from Sylvester; Alexia from Soulless; Poseidon from the Percy Jackson series ... this won't finish. 
34. Favorite fictional villain? Kevin from We Need to Talk about Kevin.
35. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation? Whatever I'm reading then. 
36. The longest I’ve gone without reading – A month? 
37. Name a book that you could/would not finish- Tale of Genji and Satanic Verses.
38. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? Nothing. Except the book itself not enagaging me at some point.
39. Favorite film adaptation of a novel? Bridge to Terabithia. Stardust.
40. Most disappointing film adaptation? Percy Jackson! Maybe Baby based on Inconceivable. Anne of Green Gables. 
41. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time? Out here I devote a certain amount every month for buying books ... back home, I might've spent close to a 1000 one time, years ago though.
42. How often do you skim a book before reading it? Usually just the once, before I buy it.
43. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through? If I'm not in the mood for whatever genre it is.
44. Do you like to keep your books organized? On a shelf. I really would love that chair!
45. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them? I keep them all. Although I think I really should get rid of William Walker's First Year of Marriage.
46. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding? The Tale of Genji
47. Name a book that made you angry- Ooooh!!! Ashok Banker's King of Ayodhya. It made me want to scream 'ayogya!' at all the characters!
48. A book you didn’t expect to like but did? And Another Thing by Eoin Colfer. Also, surprise surprise, Percy Jackson.
49. A book that you expected to like but didn’t? King of Ayodhya.
50. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading? Reading itself is guilt-free pleasure!

By the water-cooler

Is a tub of mini choco-chip muffins, on the table.





And that's my entry to Parul's contest. Okay, so I'm trying to bribe, but at least I'm being honest and over-the-table about it. :P

Let's play

Ever notice how quirky some of the word verification terms are? We're going to make a game out of them. I've enabled word verification in my comments, your job is to either explain what the word you're given might mean or use it in a sentence. Go wild!

(And if you're thinking this is boring, let me direct you here.)

Go on then, spread some silliness!

Edited to add: Okay now I feel like the kid who had a lonely childhood, he/she had only two imaginary friends and they only played with each other.

Edit to the edit: Okay so I'm not a lonely child after all ... but blogger's refusing to let people comment if WV is on, so ... we no play! :( Gah. If you're still interested ... if you find a funny WV on someone else's blog and feel like mentioning it here, please do.

Friday I'm in love

The girl comes home from work
And sets about to cook
Dinner made she digs out a book
And there she goes, forkful of pasta, sitting in a cosy nook

The pasta's been polished off
Her eyes have left the page
Feeling well-fed and almost a bit sage
Now thoughts of dessert does she engage

Out comes a cheesecake
Her evening just got to its peak
She should have been out, looking dolled up and sleek
But, eh, a boring end to a boring week

Double, double toil and trouble

Amrita’s post on how Baby Quill (love the soubriquet btw :D) made shampoo and gooseberry pickle brought back vivid memories of my own efforts in this direction.

I say ‘my’ but what I really mean is ‘our’. I had a partner in crime, you see. There was also a certain time of the year when such R&D took place. Summer holidays, when the two little brothers came to visit.

The older one, who has the fortune of being referred to as ‘Treetop’[*], among other more embarrassing nicknames, usually had a hand in said adventures.

One hot afternoon, we concocted something that had Complan, some milk, sugar, some ... uhhh ... salt and (rather inexplicably), Rin. We stirred it all up, yessirree, very very nicely and sat there feeling very smug and successful and triumphant in general. Of course, we still needed approval. Of an adult, naturally. Given we were sat on the kitchen floor with mortar and pestle and all the ladies were bustling about, the most likely victim happened to be our ajji. She had time to spare for us (as ajjis do), while no one else did. Too busy making chivda and barfis and what not they were. Hmpfh. So ajji got cornered into tasting this ... something. She dipped a finger in, popped it into her mouth and in the next second, stuck her tongue out and exclaimed ‘phya!’, disgusted. Now, bear in mind that we bore no malice, neither did we intend any mischief. All we wanted was someone to tell us how clever we’d been. Surprisingly, we weren’t given a talking to. Praise be damned, we were really tickled by this ‘phya!’ and spent the next few days rolling with laughter every time one of us said ‘phya!’

The younger one might have been feeling left out but looking back, there’s one occasion that he probably feels he was better off for not having participated in. Our mothers had brought back a packet of ready-to-make ice-cream to keep us entertained for an afternoon. There wasn’t much to it, heat some milk, add the contents of the packet, stir it up nicely to avoid lumps and get a nice thick mix which then had to be refrigerated. The older one and I spent much time following the directions to the T, a lot of which involved vigorous stirring of said mixture (which was a very nice chemical baby-pink) while we spoke about matters of great importance such as which girl(s) was the object of attention and affection du jour and how she/them reciprocated by jabbing him repeatedly with a compass or a ruler or other such items of romantic symbolism. The ‘ice-cream’ was refrigerated finally and due to reasons that remain unfathomed to this day, stayed in its milk-shake form.

But we’ll always have the-ice-cream-that-was-actually-cold-custard-of-some-form. And the younger one had an equal share in it, which makes it very special. It was thick, grainy, pink and we topped it with jelly cubes and peppermints. And watched as the adults ate it with straight faces.

Perfectly angelic little children we were, god promise!

---

[*] Don’t go feeling too sorry for him, he called me Grasshopper in return.

Found!

Just goes to show that I was looking in the wrong place. Anyhoo, as the saying goes ... "Der aaye durust aaye".


Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Heroines.

Readership, frandship etc.

My colleague E mentioned that she goes to a book club every now and then. Interest piqued I asked her what sort of books they read. "Oh all sorts!" she replied and said she'd elected an author so everyone could pick a different book to read and they'd have more to discuss that way. They really do read all kinds of books. I asked if they'd done any Young Adult fiction and came away with another set of books to add to my list (Mortal Engines ... what sample bits I read, I really liked).

I was fascinated. I've always wondered what happens in a book club and never quite fathomed the idea of an exclusive get-together to talk about books. Unlike watching telly, or a movie, sports, listening to music or even plain old-fashioned conversation which lend themselves to being group activities and therefore provide fodder for conversation as a continued group activity, talking about books seems just incongruous with the act of reading, which is such a solitary activity.

I mean, what do you say to each other?! 'Yes we've read the same book. Oh yeah I loved it! ... uhmm ... ahhh ...' *awkward silence* comes to mind when I try to think of the times I've tried to use books as conversational topics, or overheard someone trying to. Not counting the time someone said they loved reading and I asked what they read and they said Dan Brown/Sidney Sheldon which got me into a right squawk and there was no conversation because I was pretty much left spluttering my scorn. Yes I'm a snob, thanks for noticing.

Also, there isn't always common ground to cover. Music being the exception, there is limited scope for the kind of things one might watch/involve in when it comes to common interest topics such as telly or sports or movies.

Mainly, the problem seems to be finding someone who has actually read the same sort of stuff that you have and then has something more to say beyond it. In my case, that would be anyone who reads Tom Holt, Robert Rankin, Jasper Fforde and Regency novels.

So maybe I ought to join a book club. I'm not sure I want to though. It's the sort of people related commitment that I'm not sure I want to make. It's one thing to incidentally meet people and it's another to actively seek them out. I haven't a problem making friends, but I just don't want to. Even though I've had to say buh-bye to a number of friends who've upped and left the country (say what you will about IM and social networking but it just doesn't work for some relationships).

Probably just as well I suppose. New friends would mean new people who would have to be told no they cannot borrow my books. Blanket rule, exceptions to which happen to live in other countries.

Maybe I should start being a regular at Speaker's Corner ... I could have my say without any frandship strings attached.