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Tuesday, May 12, 2009


While in conversation with Winger today, we were talking about someone who proposed to his girlfriend over the weekend.

"He took her to Venice ... on a Gondola
waited for sunset
and proposed

"WOW! Man he's got style!"

"Yeah. And money :)"

And at that moment, it struck me.

That we women are a bit sexist ourselves.

There are those of us who might decline expensive trips and costly trinkets and the like ... even if we secretly want them.

But how many of us actually go to the lengths men sometimes do, like whisking away our men for a weekend in Venice and propose to them dramatically? Or anything akin to that?

We might be empowered, earning, ambitious, and making financial decisions independently. And yet, something like this doesn't come to us. We are happy to cook a fine meal, dress up nicely and keep house wonderfully to show our love ... hell, even deal with difficult relations and in-laws with fortitude as an extension of our love for our men. Yet, the wooing continues to be done by them.

There are good men out there who deserve to be wooed, god knows there are men like that out there. And yet, there is no sign of them being showered with those elaborate displays of affection that they bestow upon their women.

Suddenly, I feel a bit small.

Oh and she said yes, in case you were wondering.


  1. So true lol, so so true....

    Man...makes me feel like I should soemthing special for Evs now :D

  2. Anonymous4:24 AM

    completely agree...

    somethings dont change!!it remind me of a quote by ruskin bond "no matter how advanced we become, a boy will alwayz like to play football and a girl will alwayz dream of her Prince Charming"....

  3. You are absolutely right, DD. :)

    Next time remember to put that Diamond ring in the champagne. :D :D

  4. you know?! I never thought about it until now... hhehe.. I always thought that was a man's job..and somehow, I still prefer it that way. :D

  5. hehe I agree with Purnima!

    Wooing bit is always going to be a man's job..whether it's a proposal at sunset in Venice, over a candlelight dinner or while taking a walk in the park. We anyways don't expect much right? All we expect from our men is that they at least give such things a thought. And you know what, even if our man comes up with something really lame and silly, we women somehow manage to find something romantic and sweet in that too. It's just us. Its not a weakness, its not a fault..its just how we are when we are completely smitten by our man..that we adore everything they do.

    SO, if we are that easy to be pleased, then its only fair to say that the men MUST make these efforts to woo their women.

    In fact I say the more elaborate the better. :P Wait, i shall give suggestions to Winger on how to propose to his girlfriend! Waise DDD, between you and me, i've heard his girlfriend is very low maintenance haan. Usko dosa khilao woh khush ho jaayegi. Ekdum 'sasta, sundar and tikao' type proposal! Good idea no? LOL!!

  6. LOL!!!
    That's a new prespective!

    But, kinda true too...

    *thinking abt it*

  7. I don't think that's true... I know lots of women who floor their men with expensive gifts and trips! They might not surprise a man like a man surprises a woman by whisking her off to an exotic place to propose to her, because they aren't sure it will create the desired effect. On the other hand, when a man does that he knows he's hitting bull's eye. Men and women do not need to show their affections or desires in the same way, but that does not mean that they cannot or would not. Women woo, not necessarily in the same style as men and there's nothing wrong with that.

  8. What if she had said "no"? Scary thought...

    And I agree with you. "Equality" is currently such a skewed idea.

  9. this is one of the reasons i disagree with feminism. you don't have to do what guys do to prove u're a feminist or to prove that u believe in equality!
    women DO woo... it's just that the way they go abt it is different.

    and IMO, proposing... asking a woman to marry etc is a guy's job. period. and i DO hope it stays that way. however sexist it may be. most women WANT to be woo'ed more than any guy would like to be woo'ed. men are simple creatures. let him watch the game an entire day and he'll know u love him. the "effort" hasn't been necessary so far, i think. jab zaroorat padegi tab dekhenge.

    waise... was "winger" taking notes from that conversation? ;)

    p.s.: personally, i realllyyyy don't like the concept of being woo'ed. i expect the woo'ing after the deal's been sealed, not before! it kinda puts me off.

  10. D here has neatly summed up my thoughts. Also, mama's boys that most of them are, men secretly enjoy being 'mothered' too, albeit once in a while. If you over-do it, you run the risk of fueling suspicions of trying to take his mom's place or something! All in good humour, of course! :)

    Rayshma, are you serious (re not liking the wooing part)? I've always believed that the way a man woos a woman says a lot about his character in general and his attitude towards women in particular. In my case at least, that was a major deciding factor... the “deal” clincher (in favour of my husband)!

  11. @thought bubbles: somehow, i don't like it much. once i'm IN a rship, it's okay. then, in fact, i expect it. *but then, technically, it's not wooing*
    but i prefer it when the 'getting into a rship' or "becoming an item", as dewey put it, happens naturally.
    but yeah, it also would depend on WHO was doing it, i guess.
    dunno if i'm making sense...

  12. thank you! for finally recognizing the trouble we go through for you folk :)

  13. Anonymous7:35 PM

    True. Have thought about it few times too.

    But, looks like this is not just beacuse of a social/sexist reason but science too. Animals and birds ( atleast 90% of them) have males tryign to woo females. Impressing them and getting them to mate.

    So, don't feel small ladki, it's built into our genes that way :D

  14. Of course she said yes. If she had said no, he would have pushed her into that dirty canal water. All that money gone to waste only. Although I'm not saying he *should* have - it was an option though :P

    Also, I prefer doing the wooing. And I imagine one day I will go down on one knee for a woman and ask her, "Will you be the mother of my children such that they are not bastards?" Or words to that effect. I do not want to be proposed to, and I believe most guys would be with me on this.

    Also, one of the best gifts you could give a guy is to allow him to be the irresponsible kid that he really is (irrespective of his actual age)

  15. Quite true... Totally new perspective ! Well, I do more gifting and surprising than husbnad - coz thats just how our personalities are- I guess :) Never thought of it this way though..

  16. u wont believe, my boyfriend and I argued over this last evening!

    Remind me not to send him the link to this post. :D

  17. Silvara: Haha, well, he'd appreciate it I'm sure :)

    Wishes galore: Hey you! How's it going? And true, what Ruskin Bond said... but the girl can always buy football ticket for her prince charming right? ;)

    Solilo: Hehe, oh I'm not really a big fan of the ring in a champagne glass routine... plenty else to do though!!

    Purnima: I don't know... it's a bit sexist calling it a 'man's job'. To me it sounds like someone saying a woman's place is in the kitchen. Well, you needn't really propose to a guy but surely he doesn't have to be wooing a woman all the time? I know I wouldn't like that.

    M: I'm afraid I disagree. I don't subscribe to the 'women are easily pleased' school of thought. They're not. Women are very demanding... most of them. Well, ask any man and he'll saye ven the simplest of women seem really demanding (sure they have difficulty figuring out what women want but I honestly don't think women make it easy either). It is true though that we women are capable of appreciating the smallest and lamest gesture from our men. But that doesn't mean that wooing MUST be a man's job or only a man must do all the date planning and sweeping a woman off her feet sort of thing. I mean, cmon! Where's the joy in only receiving but not giving? I thing giving is more satisfying... I'd be really uncomfortable if my date were to plan things, pay for outings and buy me things all the time... it's just not fair in my opinion!

    And btw, ladki kitni bhi low maintenance lage, if he proposed to her in the setting of a cheap dosa place she'd make chatni outta him!

    Roy: I thought there might be someone out there who'd appreciate this :) You're most welcome then :D

    Pixie: :) Wooing is lifelong in my opinion...

    D: I'm not going to disagree with you. I don't know women who have swept their partners off their feet so I accept that I was wrong in saying all women are like that. Granted that men and women have different methods of expressing their love ... I just thought that generally the way things go, the ground needs to be evened out slightly. I did not necessarily mean to include proposing in this whole perspective. I don't care much or proposals currently, so... but the rest I stand by.

    Amey: Haha, I should think a man who had invested so much time, effort and money in planning something so dramatic would be sure of his answer :) And true, equality is currently a very skewed thing.

    Catty: No women do not have to behave like guys to prove their feminist or equal. That's actually where feminism is going wrong, if you ask me. Far as wooing is concerend, I really can't agree with the whole 'It's a man's job' idea... I'm not even saying women should do the sort of things men do to woo. Yes women like to be wooed, what I'm saying is, men might like it just as much and one doesn't see a woman dooing the wooing as often. I'm just saying that men deserve it too. I'm with you on the 'being wooed' deal... it makes me uncomfy too... deal seal ho jaaye phir jo ho theek hai :)

    Thought bubbles: But surely you don't have to 'mother' a man to woo him! And yes, how a man wooes says a lot about his character... it's just that there are some women who prefer accelerated wooing after they've agreed to be with someoen rather than let the guy woo them pointlessly before they've said yes. Am I making sense?

    Anna Bond: You're most welcome :) But do tell us, for the sake of discussion, would you like it if you were to be wooed?

    AlwaysHappyKya: Haha, I hadn't thought about that! Yeah that is true...

    Ashish: Haha, trust you to come up with that!

    I didn't mean a woman must propose to her man (unless they both are okay with it). It was more the other things ... other things that might be construed as wooing by a woman... would you not like that? Would you always want to be responsible for plannign dates and buying flowers and gifts and taking charge of holidays... I'd go out of my mind if I were subject to such aggressive wooing without being given a chance to do anything in return.

    "one of the best gifts you could give a guy is to allow him to be the irresponsible kid that he really is (irrespective of his actual age)". I hope to god that doesn't mean being a mother than a partner...

    Smitha: True, that is the dynamic of some relationships ...

    Serendipity: Welcome aboard! Haha, so what was your bf saying? Did he want to be wooed? And what was your counter argument? If you don't mind sharing, that is.

  18. What a wonderful point, and very true. I have yet to meet a man, even the manly rough and tough kind that don't want to feel cherished.

    It always goes back to treating others the way you want to be treated.

  19. This so so sounds like a post that carrie bradshaw would write ;)
    Came here from lafemmereva's blog.. nice work..

  20. so true... btw - i do make an effort to fuss over the husband ...

  21. Just a Grail Precisely! It cannot be that men would not like to be cherished!!! And yes, do unto others as you would have them do to you... very important :) Welcome here, thanks for dropping by :)

    Saya: Haha, not really a fan of SATC or Carrie Bradshaw as such but I graciously accept the compliment :) And a hearty welcome to you!

    MM: Of course, MM! You're one of the few ladies I know who actually does the kind of wooing and fussing am talking about here. The OA is a lucky man! :)