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Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Say Hello to the American Uttam Dave

Gary Neuman, who has authored The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It and has apparently even been featured on Oprah.

I'm yet to come up with a suitable insult for this man but join me in cursing him all the same after you read this.

As I like to say, a woman can never have too much shit to deal with, can she?


  1. Anonymous2:49 PM

    OMG!! this guy ??? I've watched his show where he was talking to Oprah about how to break news to the children when the parents are about to get divorced and how some children opened up to him after undergoing trauma about their parents' separation for years !! Oh god - I was in so much awe of him then that he was doing a good job !!!

    Read the whole article just now leaving my morning bfast aside and I'm so outraged at his audacity!!! Specially on the "cheating" paragraph and the part where the husband shud be showered with praises for simple things like providing for the family!!!

  2. okk... haven't clicked on link yet... will click it once i'm out of hiatus! :D
    aren't u forgetting to post something on the shiny new template! :P

  3. To be fair, he is talking about helping "wives" and not "women". ;)

    On a serious note, some of the tips do make sense. I haven't heard women complain that their friends aren't spending emough time with them after marriage. On the other hand, they do complain that their husbands spend all the time with their friends, even if opposite is true.

    And yes, I am talking from a guy's PoV, so please feel free to correct me.

  4. Super template and an award is for you to pick up.

  5. omg...i read this in the paper the other day and had to put it down because i was seething. evs turned around to hear this weird grinding noise which turned out to be my teeth because i was trying not to scream!

    In the paper he was saying basically it's the woman's fault she can't a man and if women say that they are better off without them it's only, and i quote, 'Please. It's something they say to make themselves feel better'. His tips are less talking, making sure he gets plenty of food and sex at home so he won't stray and forgiving him....every time he does.

    It's disgusting.

  6. SnS: Oh goodness!!! He sounds like some divine messiah in that divorce-support thing... and here we see his true colours!! I wish evolution were handy enough to get rid of such bakward thinking people man... would serve the world a great deal!!

    Rayshma: Come back soon and get on the bandwagon on this will you???!!! Need all the backing I can get here!!

    Amey: Oh you Indian men!!! Let's try and 'educate' you on the female POV here, now (and hope it won't turn into a mini post) :).

    First off, aren't wives women as well? In fact they are women first and then their other roles come into play. Defining a woman by her role as mother, daughter, wife, sister... that shouldn't be her main identity. And even then, if she chooses to be identified as such, then it's her business. But basing her identity solely on her relations is just too 18th century. You wouldn't always refer to a man by his role or relation, would you? So why give that kind of treatment to a woman? And do not get into the 'Society has decreed it so for years' arguemnt. Things are changing and society will too, eventually.

    And maybe this chap said 'wives' but he actually meant women everywhere with male partners in any setting, not just marriage. You think the issues he talks are restricted to marriage only? They are not.

    And I really would love to hear more about your guy's POV. How does it make sense? I do hope you shall elaborate, makes for an interesting dicussion :)

    The reason you do not hear many women complain that they aren;t spending enough time with their friends is because in most cases they cannot. Their friends would in all probability be married women too who might be based in another city and even if they are not, will have the responsiblity of an entire household on their shoulders, which leaves little time for personal socialising. For the men though, it's considered a bounden right to socialise with friends when they get married, not doing so would be a sign of being hen-pecked I'm assuming, and which man would want to be seen as hen-pecked?

    What Gary is advocating: sex on demand, looking after every ned of the man, always plumpin up his ego and giving in to every little wish of his... it's very very insulting to any woman. It reduces her to some sort of irrelevant piece of machinery which may be switched on and off by the man at will. It doesn't take into account the woman's aspirations, wishes, thoughts, needs... anything at all actually! Would YOU want to be a woman if being in a relationship meant letting go of everything you are as a person and basing every action in your life on the needs and desires of someone else? Would you want to be a part of any relationship (as a man or a woman) if this sort of treatment was meted to you? Look at it from a humanitarian angle and tell me it looks right to you. Women are human beings and they deserve to be treated with equality, respect and care as much as any man. And Gary Neuman's advice goes against that in every possible way. Tell me that isn't insulting (in the least) or outrageous.

    Never mind!: Thanks!!

    Silvara: Oh I am SO glad I have some backing on this one. You tell 'em!!! It's so convenient to blame it on the woman every single time!!! What rubbish!!! His 'advice' is pure unadulterated bullshit and it's beyond disgusting.

  7. Hmm... Mini post :D

    First off, aren't wives women as well?
    Yes, they are. But from what I read in that article, it was strictly for those women who think of themselves as "a wife", or for men who think of the women as such. And from what I see, there are many members in both these types.

    The reason you do not hear many women complain...
    I guess that's why I said I was purely talking from a guy's PoV. It's not as much a right as necessity. Is the "taking care of family an issue" with women in nuclear families in cities too? Because that would be the main audience for this discussion.

    What Gary is advocating...
    I had to do a quick check to see whether I mentioned just "tips" and not "some tips" as I intended ;)
    I am talking about giving some space to your spouse, taking care of his/her emotional needs, those kind of tips. Giving permission for boys' night out once in a while, making sure you appreciate him does good.
    And before you say anything, yes, I know this goes both ways in any relationship.